and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
