Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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