yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
