I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
