I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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