I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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