next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
