i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
