dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i came on her dog
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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