My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
