So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
