Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
