I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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