We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
