i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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