ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
