It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize