I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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