i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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