What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
