D3 body, D1 cock
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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