someone threw a dead crab at me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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