oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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