I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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