girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
