Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
