If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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