I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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