just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
