i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
