you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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