is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize