I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
