she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
