Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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