evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
