you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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