Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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