well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
