Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
