I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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