The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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