maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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