sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
