Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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