note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Two words: nipple clamps
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