Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
