Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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