Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
