D3 body, D1 cock
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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