wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
