i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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