well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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