worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize