I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
