Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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