oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
