And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
