I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
