there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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