I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
