We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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