all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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