does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize