I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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