u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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