he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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