its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
