When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
