She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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