Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She's better-looking with the mask on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
