omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize