I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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