OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
