she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
