True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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