Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize