so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
