good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
