he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
