ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
