I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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