You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
