im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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