plz talk dirty to me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
