i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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