Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
