I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I skipped work to stalk him.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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