I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
