You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
