just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
