Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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