Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so let's talk penis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
