I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize