Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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