Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
