Need sex. Gaining weight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
