conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
