And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
