She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
