In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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